When Doing Nothing Is A Decision

“When we have to make a decision and we don’t make it,

it is in itself a decision ”.

– William James –

Sometimes, we try to solve problems by following a path that only makes us trip over the same stone. At other times, moreover, we get impatient because we want at all costs to find an answer to a problem that makes us suffer.

If all attempts have failed or even made the situation worse, perhaps it is best to stop trying. Even if it’s only for a little while, sometimes doing nothing is best. And it is a decision.

Not out of lack of interest or because we gave up or failed, but because giving up trying is a different solution, a new path, an alternative. Nor does it mean that we have to pass the time and expect it to solve the problem.

Doing nothing means abandoning the whole path we have already traveled, that is now a path already followed that has contributed to our learning.

It is all about improving our mood by moving away from what harms us and destroys our self-esteem. It’s about stepping away carefully from what hurts us.

When doing nothing is the best choice

There are many problems and each of them requires a different solution.

It would be impossible to apply this rule in a general way to all the problems of life and not acting is not an ode to inactivity, laziness or disinterest: the goal is to improve a situation.

Here are some possible examples where doing nothing is another valid decision:

– A small child knows that with his whims he gets the attention of adults. After they pay attention to his desperate calling, the child repeats the same strategy to get what he wants.

What if we don’t do anything? What if we calmly ignore his request for attention and then explain to him that his tactic is useless?

By simply not paying attention to his requests, we prevent him from reinforcing his behavior. In this way, we reduce the possibility of it re-adopting such behavior in the future as a technique to achieve something.

It is therefore not a question of just doing nothing, but of being strategic and not taking the bait.

– A friend of ours believes we are responsible for her malaise. We tried to help her in the best possible way and we dedicated all the time we had available to her. Despite that, she blames us for not having been there the way she would have liked.

It is normal to go through difficult times in life and understand that a person can act unfairly and sympathize with them, but do we have to justify their personal attack?

Being told that, in one way or another, we have hurt someone we love can make us feel bad. However, we cannot be responsible for not being there when the person with a problem would have liked to have us there, at a specific time and time.

After all, we can’t read other people’s minds and we’re not superheroes who can always be there when someone is not well.

Even less so if we didn’t even know there was a problem. Obviously, you have to be there, but not at all costs and under any circumstances.

– Don’t stop arguing with someone. Each time you try to resolve the issue, the situation gets worse and there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

In this case, if you’ve tried them all by now, perhaps it’s best to let it go for a while. Do nothing, which is something anyway.

Obviously, in this case the best thing to do is to talk about it openly with the other, try to make him understand that it is better to move away a little instead of making the problem worse.

When we take the time to improve our mood and move away from a source of suffering, we can see everything more clearly and analyze problem situations better, and make better decisions, away from the stress we feel every time things get worse. And that doesn’t mean being selfish.

Knowing when to move away and when to approach is the secret

of any relationship that lasts a long time.