What Is The Cinderella Complex?
It is called the Cinderella complex, but it could actually be named after any of the most famous princesses in fairy tales. This complex arises in childhood and can compromise personal and couple relationships in the future. Read on to find out more about a tradition that has been going on for millennia and that you may be preserving without realizing it.
It doesn’t hurt to tell your daughters that they are the princesses of the house, because in reality they are. But what can cause problems is raising them by making them think they have to sit and wait for Prince Charming, just like in Cinderella’s tale.
The idea that a beautiful knight in shining armor and the white horse will come to save them to give them the kiss that will awaken them from an eternal sleep (as happens to Snow White) or that will save them from a life of misfortune where they are destined to cleaning and mopping floors (like Cinderella) may be very beautiful in one’s imagination, but in reality it doesn’t.
The Cinderella Complex or Syndrome was first studied by researcher Colette Dowling, who published a book called The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Secret Fear of Being Independent . In summary, we can say that it is the unconscious desire of women to always have someone to protect and take care of them, abandoning their passions and activities. This may be due to how they are raised or due to social or religious pressures. According to Dowling, this complex actually stems from the fear of being independent.
The name the researcher gave to her study couldn’t be more appropriate. Everyone knows the story of Cinderella: a young girl who spends her days taking care of her stepmother and her stepsisters, does not receive permission to go to the prince’s ball, until her Fairy Godmother transforms her into a princess.
He then loses his crystal slipper and the young prince goes from house to house until he finds the owner of the shoe. According to this fairy tale, the woman must be innocent, beautiful and defenseless at the same time and, of course, dependent on the groom or “prince charming”.
In Cinderella’s book, the fairy godmother transforms the protagonist into a princess and, thanks to this, the perfect man meets her at the ball. This means that, as Dowling says, a woman can only change her life if she begins a romantic relationship with a man. If that doesn’t happen, she will be a slave or a servant forever.
Certainly many women think that this is an attack on the feminine essence that must be independent in everything it does, while others think that it is not so bad if it is the man, for example, who provides financially for the family, while they they are dedicated to looking after the children and the home.
Why is the Cinderella complex negative?
First, this complex or way of thinking prevents a woman from developing skills that go beyond caring for the home or raising children. Times have changed a lot and, nowadays, the goal of most women is not just to get married and have a family, but also to be successful in the world of work.
When getting married, both man and woman have the right to continue fighting to achieve their individual goals and dreams. Cinderella’s syndrome suggests that this is not the case, as the woman must stay at home, “protected” by her husband.
A wife who is too dependent on her partner is asphyxiating for both of us. It is for this reason that this complex of the “princess rescued from the highest tower of the castle” can have serious consequences for the marriage. Life as a couple is not a fairy tale, so if the woman is unsure of herself and doesn’t make her own decisions, it makes it all an uphill struggle for both of us.
Even though we all need affection, protection and “to be saved” at certain moments in our life, this cannot be the rule, it must be the exception. A hug to save us from a bad day is fine and right, as are words of comfort whispered in a bad situation.
Finally, the Cinderella complex is negative because it does not allow the woman to achieve her personal goals. This turns them into unfortunate, depressed, resigned and frustrated characters.
What happens when the “princess-woman” is left alone?
This is an aspect worth analyzing in detail. We can say that, for example, when a divorce arrives, the wife realizes that she does not have the means to move forward, both emotionally and economically. For this reason, she chooses another man who makes her feel like she is in a fairy tale again, and the vicious circle begins again.
How to avoid the Cinderella complex in your family?
If you are mothers (or fathers) of daughters, give them the power of study and preparation. Teach them that it is necessary to acquire certain knowledge and work experience before getting married and starting a family.
If you also have sons, get them used to contributing to the housework, so the girls don’t have to take care of all the “girl tasks” set by society.
You must raise sons and daughters who are able to achieve their goals and realize their dreams, who in the future aspire to start a healthy and balanced romantic relationship and above all do not stop treating them as princesses (or princes), but who know what they want .
