What Happens When We No Longer Need A Partner?

The expression “needing” implies, in psychological language, that without the object of attachment one cannot be happy, that one’s being depends exclusively on it and that without them life itself would cease to have meaning. The need is just that.

In any case, confusing attachment with need and maintaining this attitude is deeply harmful to psychological health, in fact what we want in our lives today could easily disappear tomorrow.

Nothing lasts forever and thinking differently can cause us great suffering because what we have is only a legitimate desire that if it comes true; but if that doesn’t happen we know we have alternatives.

These thoughts are unrealistic and certainly no one dies if they lose something or someone. However, before we admit it with absolute certainty, we usually go through states of anxiety and sadness. We do it well, trying with all our strength to get what we believe we need or, when we have it, trying our best not to lose it.

In couple relationships it is clearly seen. Over-the-top romanticism has taught us that love involves suffering, effort, sacrifice. It made jealousy a normal feeling, giving us ideas like “if there is no jealousy, there is no love”, etc.

Desire makes you free, necessity makes you slaves

When you believe you need a partner, you do not show yourself to be people who have chosen others freely, but on the basis of a personal lack. Maybe you are afraid of loneliness or your self-esteem is quite low. Maybe you think it is better to have someone stronger and more capable than you or you simply depend on that person because your life is empty in other areas and it seems that that person is all you have left.

Whatever the reason, the point is that you are a slave to your own mental voids. You didn’t decide to be with that person because it completes you or makes your life more enjoyable than when you were alone. You have chosen it as someone who chooses a prosthesis or as someone who uses a patch to cover a hole in a garment.

With necessity, you bring fear and despair into your relationship as a couple; with preference and desire, on the other hand, you are calm, peaceful and enjoy the present in common. You have chosen freely, with nothing telling you that you must have a partner to deal with thoughts like “I am a complete failure”, “I will remain a spinster” or other such nonsense.

When you stop needing and just love

When you decide to love freely and let go of all those heavy chains and ghosts that mistakenly guided your life, you discover a new way to live a relationship as a couple. It is true love, the authentic one. It’s not the neurotic, crazy, visceral love they describe in the movies, that’s pure fantasy and doesn’t allow relationships to go through.

It will hurt to lose it, it is normal, and you may experience it badly for some time, but you will be aware that your happiness does not depend on your partner and that life will continue to offer you opportunities. This obviously makes the relationship work better than when there is jealousy and helps both to be more faithful.

You like it and you may want someone to support you and show you signs of affection and love, but if it doesn’t exist in your life, there will be friends, family, work, passions and many other things to add to the list and all of that. it is yours, it is part of you and of your individuality.

You can find the solution to the problems together, now no longer argue about who is right or not because your ego is no longer so big as to be worth it. You look together in the same direction and wish to live together until the end, but if this is not the case, because love cannot do everything, the world will continue its course and you will still lead a happy life alone or together with another person.

You run the risk of telling your partner today: I love you very much, but I don’t need you.