The Phenomenon Of The Burning Butterfly
At some moments in life we may feel unable to get out of situations that cause us suffering, even if they cause us discomfort and oppression. In these cases it is very likely to fall into emotional dependence. This is how we approach the so-called burning butterfly phenomenon.
In emotional dependence, abandonment is one of the deepest and most conditioning fears. Because of this fear, we tend to step aside by creating situations that are toxic. In most cases this fear is present in the phenomenon of the burning butterfly.
But what is it about? What to do to avoid falling into this phenomenon? What are the benefits of recognizing it in time? Let’s start looking for answers through an inspirational phrase:
The phenomenon of the burning butterfly, what is it about?
As suggested by the psychologist and writer David Solá, when we talk about this phenomenon we refer to those “zigzagging” behaviors that lead people to repeat situations that cause them suffering. Typically, it returns to past relationships.
We refer to a phenomenon in which the person repeatedly returns to a past relationship that produces more and more suffering (as rejection is repeated).
To be more concrete, try to think of that person who does everything possible to recover the relationship with the ex partner. He sends him messages, telephones him, buys him gifts… Basically, he does whatever he thinks is necessary so that that person does not abandon him.
But why do we talk about the phenomenon of the butterfly of flames? Butterflies are strongly attracted to the light emitted by a flame, but the closer they get, the more their suffering increases. But this suffering does not prevent them from seeing the flame as a tempting stimulus.
A probable consequence of this phenomenon is the destruction of self-esteem: it is one of the first “tissues” that the flame begins to burn, causing the subject to lose emotional control and a sense of reality.
How can we avoid the phenomenon of the burning butterfly?
Here are some tips for dealing with the phenomenon of the burning butterfly:
- Self-knowledge. Getting to know each other will help us identify these behaviors and understand why we are tempted to follow them even though they hurt us. This is the starting point for eliminating them.
- Self-esteem. If we recognize our worth, it is easier not to exceed the limits that safeguard our dignity.
- Stop idealizing. Sometimes we see the other person as a perfect being, better than they actually are in reality. This fact makes us maintain the relationship with this person even if the price to pay is high.
- Being alone is not bad. It all depends on the perspective from which we see it. Take advantage of your moments of solitude to think about yourself and carry out the activities you like best!
- Stop deceiving yourself. Be aware and true to yourself.
- Have an overall view of things. Try to get a clear perspective of the situation by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Remember that we have the right to be with whoever we want. Respecting ourselves also means respecting the wishes of the other, even when that desire is to get away from us.
The benefits of recognizing this phenomenon
When you recognize that you are experiencing the phenomenon of the burning butterfly, in case of suffering, try to take advantage of this moment to:
- Let your life flow.
- To rebuild yourself from an emotional point of view.
- Recognize what your limits and those of the other person are.
- Try to free yourself from problems through forgiveness.
- Be empathetic.
- Begin to find meaning in your life.
David Solá shows us the importance of working on ourselves to recognize this phenomenon. When you are done, you can give your life a new direction by building healthier relationships that will lead you to live better.
The phenomenon of the burning butterfly can trap us at times, but it’s up to us to escape from its meshes. Self-esteem, dedication, self-knowledge and our limitations will allow us to protect ourselves against this threat.
