Narcissistic Provision: What Is It All About?

What is meant by narcissistic supply? Before giving a definition, let us dwell on the concept of narcissism. What does it mean to be a narcissist?

DSM-5 defines the narcissistic personality as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), which needs admiration and is characterized by a lack of empathy. It begins in the early stages of adult life and occurs in different contexts. Basically, it manifests itself with delusions of grandeur, a tendency to consider oneself “special” and unique, with an excessive need for admiration.

According to the psychiatrist Otto Kernberg, the narcissistic personality is located on a continuum that goes from the normal to the pathological (narcissistic personality disorder, according to the DSM-5). Not all people with narcissistic traits, therefore, end up suffering from this disorder, it mostly depends on the extent of the traits themselves. Below, we will go into detail on the definition of narcissistic supply .

The narcissist’s main goal is his or her well-being

The narcissist always tries to take advantage of interpersonal relationships, that is, he exploits others for his own purposes and regardless of what people may feel. Its main goal is its well-being. The others, therefore, are nothing more than mere tools.

The narcissist does not care at all if his victim is going through a bad time or needs his space, the narcissist person thinks only of satisfying his own needs, at the cost of totally ignoring those of others.

What is meant by narcissistic supply?

Narcissistic provision is a concept introduced into psychoanalytic theory by Otto Fenichel, an Austrian psychoanalyst. It describes a certain type of admiration, interpersonal support and sustenance that an individual extracts from his or her family and social context and which becomes an essential element for one’s self-esteem.

According to the author’s definition, the narcissist needs someone to become his source of supply (to provide him with what he needs). This source of supply eventually becomes an extension of himself, as if it were part of him.

For this reason, there is no boundary between the ego of the narcissist and the ego of the victim. In other words, the narcissist expects his victim to feel, think and act like him, as the source of the narcissistic supply does not have an identity of its own, but is only there to please him at every moment.

The narcissist tries to provoke reactions in others

An article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Mitja Back, lead author) states: “ What appeals to us at first glance will not necessarily make us happy in long-term relationships. Although narcissists exhibit bright and charming personalities, it is often only a matter of time before the clouds appear. In practice, there are two aspects of the narcissist: the fascinating and the unpleasant ».

In other words, the narcissist will most likely show his gentler side to achieve his goal and if those in front of him do not act as expected, he will show his worst side; chances are that once he gets what he wanted, he will prove cold, disinterested, elusive, and even angry.

The new attitude is aimed at provoking a reaction that produces the desired behavior. For example, he proposes to see us on a specific day when it is not really possible, and for this reason he shows himself distant because we have not met his needs. Remember, though, that your needs always come first.

How do you know if you are a narcissistic source of supply?

The source of the narcissistic supply is often unaware of what is happening to it, and has no idea that it is a source of nourishment. If you suspect that you are the victim of a narcissist or believe that someone in your circle is, consider the following:

In my relationship, is what I feel and feel really important to the other person or does it take a back seat? Does my partner’s needs come first and when I don’t do what he expects does he behave distantly or get angry? Perhaps it is through these questions that you will find an answer.

In this case, or if your needs are overshadowed, it means that you probably need to put limits on this person and protect yourself. Never forget that you and your needs are important too.