Claiming Assertively Is An Art
Who in life has never had a reason, reason or need to answer? Human relationships are a complex territory in which compromises, concessions and agreements are continually established. The results, however, are not always happy. Sometimes these agreements, implicit or explicit, are not reached or fulfilled; that’s why you have to complain, but with assertiveness.
How can you not complain at work if your colleagues only consider their interests at the expense of our needs? How can you not complain if your partner takes reckless, indifferent or hostile attitudes? How can we not complain in the family if we are given roles that do not correspond to what we really want to be?
At first, most of the time, these little injustices don’t seem serious, but they can be the seed for more complex problems that can’t go unnoticed. Complaining properly and in time is a better solution than silence which, instead, triggers future storms. The key is knowing how to respond. Today we are going to give you some ideas that will allow you to learn the art of assertively claiming.
Train yourself in the art of assertively claiming
Like any art, assertiveness also requires a certain amount of practice. In fact, there are very few cases where you get some education, so the ideal is to start with some basic training.
Start with small complaints with a clear understanding of what you are asking for. The ideal is to try with someone who is not part of your daily environment and who deserves criticism on your part. For example, the electrician who did not do his job well. You need to calmly and clearly state what you think is not right.
Recognize the best in others and always use the first person
This is a magical solution in the world of assertiveness and applies not only to complaints, but to any type of situation. Instead of exposing your discomfort by questioning what the other person says or does, let them know how it hurts you to avoid misunderstandings with the other person.
Let’s take an example: Your boss increases the amount of work every day, to the point where you can’t get home on time, but you have to stay in the office late without any reward. You are afraid to complain because your boss is very demanding and there are rumors of staff cuts in the office.
You might tell him that your right to a well-defined working day is not being considered. However, if you do it this way, for sure you will think that the result will be an open conflict with the boss or otherwise a resentment.
The best thing, then, is to look for a suitable moment to make the other person understand what the situation you are experiencing means to you. Tell your boss, for example, that you understand that there is a lot of work to be done and that you know how much he wants everything to go smoothly. Add in the fact that you are willing to cooperate, but that this forces you to extend your working day and consequently you are unable to organize yourself with regard to other aspects of your life.
Develop your ability to be straightforward and straightforward and stay calm
The best communication is the one that goes straight to the point. It is not a question of being cheeky or rude, but of politely exposing your complaint without turning around and without too many parentheses. Often, those who prevaricate are considered insecure or their attitude is seen as an attempt at manipulation.
What completes assertive communication is work on managing emotions. If you stay calm, your chances of solving problems will increase significantly. Remember that no one is born with self-control, it is a skill that is acquired over time. Work on this aspect.
Perseverance and selection
Most conflicts or disagreements are not resolved that easily. Sometimes it is not enough to make an assertive and respectful complaint for the other party to understand your needs. To be treated fairly, you must persevere and be patient. You will often find yourself forced to submit your complaint more than once.
However, there are complaints that must be abandoned if the goal to be achieved is not significant. Why waste time and energy in claiming something the other is unwilling to admit, not because it is unreasonable, but because they are unwilling to acknowledge your rights, expectations or needs ?
In these cases, persevering is absurd. The ideal is to find an end point to a situation that basically has no solution. Maybe you will lose something temporarily, but in the long run, with absolute certainty, you will gain more.
