Only Child: Condemnation Or Privilege?

The debate on only children has always sparked great discussions, especially in recent decades, as many couples do not wish to have many children. While there is no denying that siblings are a great gift to any human being, it is also true that today’s parents are increasingly busy and are often unable to spend much time with family.

Until a few decades ago, there was no doubt that a large family was an advantage. The women stayed at home and were responsible for the education of their children. But in the 21st century, things have changed. Most mothers and fathers have to work and only a part of their time, sometimes very small, is devoted to education.

Furthermore, some couples today are much less stable than in the past, and can count on less support from the extended family. For this reason, they have increased in cases where, if a couple has more than one child, the big brother ends up taking care of the little one or both are entrusted to a stranger, who does not always educate them well and who, in in any case, it will never replace the parents.

The advantages of being an only child

Of course, being an only child has great advantages. Although it is said that the child will grow up selfish and capricious, it doesn’t have to be that way. If an only child is educated well, he can, on the contrary, find himself in a privileged condition to mature and grow in a healthy way. There are several factors in favor of this situation:

• Only children enjoy more attention from their parents. They do not have to divide their time and worries among the brothers and, therefore, they have the opportunity to do their job at their best. This special attention almost always makes only children more self-confident and with higher self-esteem.

• Only children often have faster intellectual development. Since they relate mainly to adults, especially in the first years of life, it often happens that their language and reasoning develop faster than other children.

• Only children are almost always more orderly and responsible. Since they do not live with other children, they often adopt the model of order and work they see in their parents. In general, they are children who focus better on their homework and want things to always be well organized.

• Only children know how to adapt to loneliness and develop pastimes that push them to a greater intellectual effort. Loneliness is only bad when it is synonymous with lack of support or understanding. On the contrary, it is very positive when it allows people to know themselves better and be more independent. At the same time, it is not uncommon for only children to develop a greater interest in reading, painting or other activities they can do on their own.

The disadvantages of being an only child

Even if having only one child allows parents to pay more attention to them and have greater financial security, it is also a situation that involves some difficulties. Siblings take away attention and give rise to some rivalries, but they are also a source of great life lessons, very important in the maturation of the child. Here, then, are some of the disadvantages of not having siblings:

• Only children are, in general, more self-centered. They struggle to understand that everyone has their own turn in a game, and that not everything they do will be celebrated by their parents. Sometimes they find it difficult to fit in groups, for this very reason.

• Only children may mature ahead of time. This is not entirely negative, but it must be considered that an early maturation decreases spontaneity, and this will lead them to be less cheerful. They have a harder time allowing themselves to do some nonsense, and while this may please adults, it may cause kids to grow up too fast.

• Only children have a harder time being generous. They believe it is normal for everyone to solve their problems and needs on their own. It is difficult for them to share what they have, both materially and emotionally. They don’t give themselves to others easily.

• Only children can become more reserved people, because they do not have the opportunity to share their experiences with their “peers” at home. Sometimes they trust their parents a lot, but this will never replace the complicity and closeness they can feel towards their siblings. Because of this, they may become somewhat reserved and aloof people. It is also possible that they are poor at resolving conflicts with others.

In any case, both only children and those with siblings will be able to mature healthily if they can count on a good education. In the case of only children, it is important for parents to understand that they need to encourage the child to share experiences with other children of the same age.

It’s also vital that they don’t become overprotective of him or that they don’t want to over-control him. In this way, the child will be able to enjoy the advantages of being an only child, while decreasing the chances of becoming a person withdrawn in himself and in his own interests, a person who does not take others into consideration.