Savior Complex

Helping others is one of those behaviors that enjoys the greatest social recognition. In general, when we are selfless, we improve the lives of other people. For this reason, on a social level, it is one of the most awarded ways of acting. But are we sure it’s always a good thing to help others? The existence of the savior complex seems to affirm the opposite.

The savior complex is a psychological condition for which a person feels the need to always help others. This way of being leads the individual to behave in an extreme way, to the point of making his gestures dangerous for himself.

In this article we will try to understand what exactly the savior complex consists of, in order to recognize this attitude both in oneself and in others. We will therefore be able to avoid those occasions when extremely positive action, such as offering help, can become risky.

What the savior complex consists of

According to the official definition, a person with the savior complex feels the constant urge to “save” others. They are people always looking for individuals in need of help, ready to help them at the cost of sacrificing their own needs, desires and aspirations.

The problem is that these characteristics can easily lead to toxic relationships. Generally speaking, people with savior complex tend to form codependent couples. These, in most cases, are among the most harmful relationships that can exist.

In a couple of this type, one of the two individuals needs constant help from the other to feel good, believing that they cannot live without their partner. The “savior”, meanwhile, feels gratified by the attachment he receives from his partner, but after a short time ends up getting tired and limited by their needs.

In a codependent couple ruled by the savior complex, therefore, none of the members are truly happy. The one who depends on love will see the self-esteem in himself decrease more and more, while the other will feel burdened and will tend to download the responsibilities on the partner.

Although in most cases these dynamics are common in love relationships, this phenomenon can also affect relationships between friends, family, colleagues, etc.

How to avoid this dynamic

Below we present a series of tips for avoiding codependent relationships. If you believe you are suffering from the savior complex, applying these tips to your life can be of great help.

• Remember that you are responsible only for yourself. Each person is called to take the reins of their life, emotions and actions in hand. You are therefore not obliged to help anyone, if it is not what makes you happy.

• Learn to say no. For many, refusing to do something that is asked of loved ones is extremely difficult. But failing to do so leads to addiction and resentment. Mastering techniques such as assertiveness can greatly help you improve your relationships.

• Set your limits. If you exhibit characteristics that are attributable to the savior complex, take pleasure in helping others. However, you must immediately determine how far you are willing to go. Is there anything you do without satisfaction? What is the limit at which offering help to someone becomes a burden rather than a pleasure?

• Put your happiness first. Most of us have grown up with the belief that caring for our own well-being before that of others is an act of selfishness. Yet if doing a gesture makes you unhappy, there is no point in doing it. If you really want to help, try to do it in a way that doesn’t harm yourself.
  

If you want to free yourself from the savior complex, you have to put yourself under honest scrutiny. Only in this way, and by remembering that you are responsible for your own happiness, will you be able to build fruitful relationships.