Respect Is Demanded, Trust Is Earned
Perhaps trust is the greatest gift we give to people. As the title clearly points out, it is something that we earn in small doses and that, once betrayed, is often irrecoverable. It is also curious that, as people grow up, this reality is more and more marked.
Experience often prompts us to be cautious in giving trust: it has been betrayed so many times that we tend more and more to keep it to ourselves. In this way life transforms us into more cordial people, but also more disillusioned ones.
Trusting someone doesn’t mean we think that person is worth less than us, and it’s not disrespect either. Trust has to do with giving oneself to others, with the balance that we could lose if that someone does us wrong. Respect has to do with the other’s gratitude and ability to relate to us.
Therefore, we are talking about two distinct values, although it is true that in some cases the line that separates them is very thin. There are people who perceive the lack of trust from others as an insult. Especially when it comes to people who give their trust very quickly and hope to be treated equally.
The importance of trust
Just think that our ancestors lived in tribes and hunted in groups. They led a social life in which relationships were much closer than those we are establishing now and, above all, much more interdependent. For this reason, trust was a fundamental value. If it was necessary to surround a prey to hunt it, no one could open the circle, otherwise the whole tribe would not eat.
It happens very often to meet people who do not appreciate the fact that we do not trust them, and just as often the opposite happens. It often costs us a lot to accept some realities.
One of these is not gaining the other person’s trust. You think it is normal for you to trust yourself. You have known each other for a lifetime and you also have great power over what you do or say. However, the other person hasn’t known you for that long and doesn’t have the same control over you. This huge but, at the same time, extremely subtle difference is often forgotten.
Trust takes time
For some more and for others less, but it always takes time. There is no great reasoning when we decide how much to open up and trust the other; we simply open up to the point where we are comfortable.
Some studies have identified several variables that affect trust. The more like the person we interact with, the faster we will trust them. Furthermore, we are used to trusting people who walk around with children, animals or the elderly. We think that if someone relies on them for such an important task, they must be people they can trust. We also put more trust in people who share our same passions, as we can have long conversations with them without touching too personal topics.
On the other hand, the best reflection we can do about trust is the wonderful feeling of being worthy for the people who love us. And we are not referring to the simple fact that they know we will not betray them, but also that they sense that we will be the first to be there when they need it.
