The Pain That Arises When The Ex Finds A New Partner

The end of a relationship is usually accompanied by a feeling of pain, more or less intense, on the part of both or only one of the partners. Nobody likes to end a relationship in which they have placed expectations and dreams. Also, once you get over this normal moment of pain, it doesn’t stop there. When you discover that your ex has already found someone to entrust his heart to again, often everything goes black again.

And if this happens shortly after the relationship ends, it hurts even more. Our minds are crowded with thoughts of all kinds about the love we felt, the possibility that our ex was unfaithful to us or the sadness that invades us at the thought that we have not always been loved as much as we hoped.

After this storm of negative thoughts, a melancholy inner feeling takes over dictated by the knowledge that, unlike our ex partner, we have not yet found anyone else. Suddenly we feel desperate at the idea of ​​being alone. He / she has succeeded, while we still do not feel ready to start a new relationship or in our hearts we feel ready, but we do not do it because we do not want to miss the opportunity for a possible reconciliation.

I feel you still belong to me

So far we have talked about the possibility of feeling bad when we discover that our ex has found a new partner, while we still have not. Yet what happens when we too have found a new mate? Why do we feel jealous at the thought that the heart of that person we loved is busy again?

Even if we believe we are over the end of the relationship, sometimes it is not. We lie to ourselves by diving into new relationships when, in reality, we are still “hooked” to our now ex-partner. It is not about love, but about an inertia that leads us to believe that the other person still belongs to us.

In today’s society, relationships still have a strong sense of possession. We are convinced that our companion is our property. This makes us see the partner not as a person, but as a territory to be defended with tooth and nail to prevent it from being lost or, even worse, stolen from us.

This very controversial conception brings to light, when everything is finished, that feeling of belonging. It’s not about love, yet we turn into blind people who get carried away by the belief that their ex can’t be with anyone but us. When it happens, we are annoyed, it arouses anger. He / she is ours, only ours. The person she’s with now is just a usurper.

My ex keeps hurting me

In reality this is not the case. Your ex is not continuing to hurt you, you are doing it yourself. You feel hurt because you have not been chosen, because you begin to compare yourself to his new partner … You mix your insecurity with anger and pain. A cocktail of emotions that confuses you and to which you must put an end.

• Never make comparisons : “Your new partner is younger, more beautiful, more awake…” Enough! Comparisons always hurt and solve nothing. That person too will have his flaws, just as you have your strengths. Stop hurting yourself for free.

• Don’t be selfish : think of that deep-rooted and selfish feeling of possession that prevents you from truly loving. The time has come to learn from it and realize that it is the sense of possession that insists on conditioning your feelings towards your ex, even now that the love is over.

• “It’s not a nail-crushing situation”: don’t think about going out with someone just to feel better about yourself and make your ex feel the same feelings you do. To begin with, it is not nice to use people for these purposes, and in any case it is not obvious that by doing it your ex will feel envy and anger towards you.

Remember that love is not what they told us in fairy tales. You may still be in love with your ex, but think about the fact that when you really love someone, you just wish they were happy, even if they are no longer with us. Moving  on is difficult, but it’s also a great opportunity to learn and grow.

Your ex has been a very important part of your life, but it is still time to continue on your path, as he will continue his. Stop depending on a relationship that has ended. It is time to look forward. Are you ready to start over?