You Are Not The Experiences You Live, But What You Learn From Them
One of the biggest causes of psychological malaise is that we identify with certain experiences to the point that there comes a time when we can no longer distinguish the spectator from the spectacle.
By chance, we identify more frequently with painful experiences : the most intense, the ones that have had the greatest physical and psychological impact on us.
We must avoid this behavior if we want to become who we want: we are not what happens to us, but the trace that this fact leaves in us. We are not the experiences we live, but what we learn from them.
The explanation lies in evolution
The human being was exposed to dangers that continually threatened his physical integrity; this trace of overexcitement and fear remained active and latent, even if it did not manifest itself constantly.
On an individual level, therefore, we treat pain as something that is about to destroy us, which weakens us and makes us socially untrustworthy.
This vicious circle does not heal any wound: you have to stop suffering to start flowing; for this purpose, you must have two distinct concepts very clear: “the I-context” and the “I-contained”.
The jar and the substance
“Imagine a glass jar. It has a consistent and strong appearance, but we know that, in certain environmental conditions, it can fall and break, as well as due to lack of attention or the intention of others.
This jar has occupied an important place in the living room for many years. It has something special: when the jam it originally contained was finished, someone decided to coat the cap to make it more beautiful and to write the phrase “pot for everything” on it.
Over the years, the inhabitants of the house, the children who played in it and even the guests have poured various objects and substances into it.
They inserted coins into it and stuck post-it notes on its surface. It was used to hunt cockroaches, contained matches, wedding confetti, nails, needles. It was washed with detergent, someone put some incense in it, and if it was forgotten for a while, it would accumulate a lot of dust and dirt.
The jar is still there. If you went to that house and they asked you what you see when you look at it, what would you answer? Of course, you would answer with conviction that you see a glass jar. “
Now you may be wondering what the use of this story is compared to not being so sad about the bad things that have happened in your life or the end of the good ones. Well, this is not simply the story of a glass jar, but a metaphor for life.
Many things have happened to me, but there is one that continues to exist: ME
As with the glass jar, you too have an immutable and intrinsic essence. You will have experienced disappointments, abandonments, indifference, betrayals and intentional wounds. Much of this suffering is still within you; this is why you have turned into untrustworthy and rather reserved people.
Negative elements keep coming inside of you, but this time there is no one to deposit them but you: add fear, loss of interest, memories that bring endless pain and tears. If you keep overloading this jar, it could break, so stop it.
Take back your essence and your true self, be aware of the fact that, whatever happens, you will relive good things and bad things and you will continue to be in this world.
Take control of your past events and start being yourself again
It is extremely important that you are aware that you are solely responsible for the choices you make throughout your life, but it is a responsibility that has the flavor of freedom.
As a child, you didn’t know what was going to happen to you, but you clearly knew what you wanted to be. Certainly, you did not imagine yourself cowardly and unable to forgive yourself and others.
Use all your experiences to learn and draw important lessons from life. Forget some event, transform another, overcome others and laugh at it. Regeneration or death.
Regenerate yourselves to take back your ego, an ego that welcomes the various experiences, but does not let them transform it. Allow yourself the luxury of merging with everything that happens to you, so that your essence is nourished by the positive things; thus, you will get closer every day to the state you want to arrive at. Discard what is not worth pondering over and over, as it is a fact that has only happened to you, but has nothing to do with you.
All this is wisdom, it is knowing how to assert yourself before the world, it is saying openly that you have gone beyond judgments, stereotypes or stinging comments. It is to go back to being yourself, after having reunited with your essence. Now you will have understood that you are not the experiences you live, but the essence that welcomes them and that, when the time comes, lets them go.
