Over The Years I Have Learned To Avoid Unnecessary Discussions

It will be maturity, years or resignation, but there always comes a time when we realize that there are discussions that are not worth starting. It is then when we prefer to opt for a taciturn and smiling silence, which does not grant anything to anyone, who understands that it is useless to give explanations to those who do not want to hear reasons.

It is said that arguing is an art in which everyone has the word, but very few the judgment; however, the problem goes further. Sometimes the discussions are like a score that contains out of tune notes, in which you don’t listen and in which everyone wants to have the reason or the voice of the soloist. It is often an exhausting thing.

There are discussions that are lost battles even before they start. Maybe it’s the years that have passed or maybe it’s the tiredness, but there are things I don’t want to talk about anymore.

A good part of psychology and philosophy has taught us some strategies to be casual in any discussion. Good arguments, intuition, and good emotional management are great examples. But what if what we want is not to even start certain discussions that we already have lost from the beginning?

Today we propose that you reflect with us.

Discussions and speeches now irrelevant

Maturity does not depend on age, but on the fact of reaching that personal phase in which we no longer want to deceive ourselves, in which we fight for an inner balance, to take care of our words, to respect what we hear and to meditate on every aspect that we do not wish to express verbally. It is then that we are aware of which things are worth our effort and which our renunciation.

For example, it can happen that your relationship with a close family member has long been complicated, to the point that maintaining a simple conversation with him is like jumping into the abyss of tension without a parachute, into the chasm of discomfort and quarrels. However, things have changed now, and not because the relationship has improved, but because you have accepted each other’s differences. Choose an unquestionable, invincible silence that is respected.

Eran Halperin is an Israeli psychologist specializing in political conflict discussions and solutions whose theories can very well be applied to everyday life. According to him, the most difficult and heated discussions all have a threatening psychological component, which is the feeling that someone is trying to outrage our principles or our essence.

Maturing also means having the right self-confidence to understand that some people and their opinions are no longer a threat to us. People who used to irritate us with their words now do not scare us or make us angry. Respect, accepting each other and self-esteem that protects us are our best allies.

The art of discussing intelligently

We already know that there are discussions for which we will not waste our calm and our energies. However, we also understand that life is a continuous negotiation that allows us to coexist in harmony, to maintain loving relationships, to achieve goals at work and even to come to agreements with our children. It is therefore impossible to completely eliminate arguments from every area of ​​our life.

The art of arguing intelligently and without producing side effects requires skillful strategy and adequate emotional management that we should all be able to put into practice. Take note of these simple tips.

One of the first things to consider is that discussions don’t necessarily end with a winner: the art of effective discussion involves the fine wisdom of allowing both sides to come to a point of convergence, to an understanding. This can only be achieved by putting these concepts into practice:

• Hearing is not synonymous with listening

  . No dialogue will be functional if we are unable to listen empathically.

• The incredible ability to understand the perspective of the other.

  This takes a lot of effort and willpower, but understanding the message and personal vision of those sitting in front of us is essential.

• We must avoid getting defensive

  . We re-propose Eran Halperin’s idea: when we feel threatened, the discussion becomes aggressive and personal walls are created. At this point, there will never be understanding and agreement.

• Self-control.

  It is essential to make use of adequate management of our emotions. Above all, we must control enemies such as anger or rage: they are time bombs that tend to be present in a lot of discussions.

• Confidence

  . It is important to have faith that, sooner or later, we will come to a meeting point. To do this, you need willpower, be respectful and understanding and use terms like “I understand you”, “what you say is true”, “it is probable”, etc. These elements lead us to understanding, they are small steps that favor the meeting from which everyone will emerge as winners.

The discussions that are worth addressing are those that allow us to come to agreements to coexist in balance and happiness.