The Thicker The Armor, The More Fragile The Wearer
Being a fragile person implies having a particular sensitivity that we help protect with armor, adding layer upon layer whenever we suffer disappointment or feel frustrated. Even the most sensitive person can become a cold person when they feel threatened by a situation they are unwilling to deal with.
There are situations that are difficult for all of us to face, accept or manage, such as abandonment, rejection, contempt, guilt, etc. In situations where we feel particularly vulnerable, we always take a step back to protect ourselves. This behavior is critical to preserving our integrity.
The character and attitude of each of us affects the behavior we decide to adopt in the face of situations that can be a source of great emotional pain. For this reason, there are those who expose themselves to painful situations without protection, and even with a certain masochistic tendency, to the point of being somewhat beaten and injured.
Other types of people, on the other hand, have a more prudent attitude: when they anticipate a situation similar to a previous experience, they are able to raise barriers and become impermeable, indifferent to any emotion or feeling.
Being fragile does not mean being weak
The two types of people we have just described are on opposite poles, even though they both depend on the same frailty. Throwing yourself into the void is certainly not a healthy option, but neither is it to surround yourself with walls to make yourself numb.
Fragility is often connected and confused with weakness: being fragile is an indicator that shows us the intensity of our emotions, the sensitivity with which we live our feelings and the difficulty we have in showing ourselves as we are, for fear of being wounded.
By being fragile, I can be strong in the face of circumstances, moving forward and conquering my fears. Despite this, I do not allow myself to be sensitive, even if inside I am suffering, I feel bad and I feel alone. I want to show myself strong by wearing my armor, making others believe that nothing can hurt me, when, in reality, it hurts me so much that I feel I can’t stand it.
We are able to test our strength when we continue to trust despite betrayals, when we carry on despite our fears and sadness, when we show our vulnerability and sensitivity to those who deserve it.
To show ourselves as we are
When we suppress our emotions, when we raise walls in front of everything we feel, we give others permission to know each other only superficially and we even end up treating others the same, thus having superfluous relationships, without any special commitment.
In this way, can we know ourselves for the people we really are? Do we give others the opportunity to get to know each other thoroughly? Adding layers to our armor has consequences, because we lose who we are. We live trapped in fear to try to shut out the pain.
When we are particularly sensitive, we develop the ability to avoid being ourselves, we face the world by creating different personalities, which change according to our character: the shy and shameful, the surly, the impertinent, the complacent, the ones who always care. of the others, those who are always there for everyone, etc.
In a sense, all these are our masks, the ones with which we protect ourselves by adopting a certain role. In this way, and whenever possible, we avoid talking about ourselves and putting on the shoes of who we really are.
Getting to know each other by making room for your emotions
They will surely betray me again, they will hurt me again and the scars of my wounds will open again. It is something that I cannot avoid, because it is part of life itself, of my walking along its paths. If I really want to live it, get to know myself and get in tune with others, I have to run the risk that all this can happen, even if I feel fragile.
My numbness, my coldness, my armor, my breastplate and the walls that I have erected are not the solution. Hiding by mingling with others is my self-deception, the role I take on to feel secure. It’s all a lie, a ruse that prevents me from recognizing myself.
We anesthetize our sensitivity by preventing ourselves from expressing it, because when in the past we had the impression of having found the right person to share it with, we were betrayed. When we opened up, we lost our rhythm and our love in order to be able to accept ourselves by returning to build an even more true love.
This process is what makes us even more vulnerable, as we are rebuilding our identity, taking one step after another, learning to explore and recognize that sensitivity that we have hidden and locked away. Obviously, being more exposed, there is also a greater likelihood of being hurt, because these changes also imply a transformation in the relationships we have with others and in established roles.
The disappointments we have faced, caused by both ourselves and others, help us see more clearly which people we want to be with. Little by little we manage to make a selection thanks to deeper issues such as values, honesty and authenticity.
