5 Attitudes That Indicate A Strong Need For Approval

The need for approval ranks first on the list of irrational beliefs proposed by the famous cognitive psychologist Albert Ellis. Many people suffer too much from this utopian idea: to be happy, they need the approval and acceptance of almost all the individuals significant to them.

Why isn’t it a realistic idea? For the simple fact that it is impossible to please everyone, since everyone has their own values, their own criteria and their own personal opinions and they don’t necessarily match ours. They are not better or worse people than us, they are just different.

No matter how hard we try to please everyone, we will not reach our goal and we will lose authenticity, which will cause us great doses of anxiety and self-rejection.

This doesn’t mean it’s not okay to want certain people to like you. We are social animals, so we all like that others love us, that they invite us to do certain activities together, that they praise us or make us feel accepted in a social group. However, we don’t absolutely need it. If we believe otherwise, then we will suffer and be enslaved by something we cannot directly control: the number of people who like it.

We believe we need the love of others to be happy, in reality what we need is love for ourselves. This is how we will improve relationships with others and, as a result, receive more affection from our environment.

An excessive need for approval actually makes relationships worse. The so-called self-fulfilling prophecy occurs: our actions tend to confirm our irrational beliefs. Do you want to know what are the typical attitudes that indicate that an individual has a strong need for approval? Read on.

Attitudes that indicate a strong need for approval

Justifying too much what you do or giving too many explanations

Sometimes we run into someone who doesn’t approve of some of our behaviors. At that point, as an attempt to control, we tend to justify what we have done, thinking that, in this way, the other will understand and agree with us. But this is very unlikely to happen: it is rare for personal opinions to change with justifications or explanations.

The most sensible thing to do is to accept the other person’s idea and maintain a good relationship with him, despite that insignificant difference.

Change your mind

Changing your mind is a sign of maturity and mental elasticity, but only when the arguments of our interlocutor have really convinced us. If we constantly change our minds for fear of losing the approval of others, we are victims of this absurd need.

We must understand that one of the qualities that are most valued in others is their authenticity, it is the fact that they demonstrate firmness and security. Therefore, be convinced of your views, desires and values ​​and accept that someone may disagree.

Being angry with others

If you get mad every time someone disagrees with you, you are actually demanding approval. The problem is that anger is not the best way to gain acceptance from others. Indeed, this emotion is so negative that it drives  people away, significantly increasing the chances of getting rejection, in addition to the strong discomfort caused in the body by the anger itself.

Perhaps a good way to stop reacting like this is to accept the other person’s point of view and communicate your own in an assertive way.

Compulsively look at the total “likes” received for the photo just published

The age of technology has placed even more emphasis on the need for approval. How many people do you know who are constantly posting photos of themselves? In reality this attitude hides a strong need for approval, which is reinforced with the amount of “likes” or comments they receive.

They are signs of approval from their virtual friends. If they didn’t get so many likes, they would probably sink into despair.

Don’t disagree when something doesn’t like it

Sometimes others don’t act the way we would like, and it’s not an otherworldly thing, because mistakes are normal and there are excuses. The problem arises when we are unable to give the other the opportunity to remedy his mistakes or when there is disparity of opinion and we are unable to accept that of the other, even though we think it is incorrect.

For fear of not being accepted, we remain silent without expressing our dissent or without claiming what we believe belongs to us. We endure the malaise, we swallow the toad and we suffer, when in reality we could express ourselves in a serene and assertive way; in this second case, we would surely come out as winners.

We don’t need everyone to like us to be happy. If there are some people around us who love us, we can already feel lucky. It is clear that we will always try to act in an affable, polite and correct way, but we must not forget that we can also make mistakes or simply be different from others.

It is not mandatory to be friends with everyone or to receive love wherever you go. What really matters is that the actions you take receive your approval and that they are respectful of others, even those who think differently. This way, you will see that love will boomerang and come back to you. The more you appreciate yourself, the more others will appreciate you.